So, this weekend was full of fun. We went to Auntie HO's volleyball tourny Saturday, and from there we attended the annual soccer alumni game. It was crazy...cause Shawn was gone and I was solo with the three little ones (which is why I only played...oh...about 5 total minutes in the game, but that was probably best anyway considering the awesome condition of my knee).
The kids had fun in the gym...yet again...but it was different cause there was no daddy, but there was auntie...so it was great.
We had a little spot that we stayed in the whole 3 hours we were there, and while we were there, different fans would come and go. Anyway, to get to the point here...and a small explanation for the title of this blog...here ya go:
Raegan spotted a few girls about her age playing with a bucket full of those bobble head toys. She kept eyeing them and then turned to me and said, "mom, do you think I can play with them?" At first I thought...'of course'...but then I re-thought. What if they turn her down? That is really brave of her if she really asks them...and then if she gets turned down...then what? What lesson can be learned? What would I tell her? Then I thought..' holy cow, Farrah, don't sweat it...of course they will let her play!'
So, I said..."sure, go and ask them if you can play with them...I'm sure they'll let you." She was a bit nervous and asked if I could go with her, so I did, but I stood a step behind her. Her brave, nervous little soul slowly approached these friends to be and cautiously asked..."can I play with you guys."
MMMM...my heart was sort of racing as I watched the girls look up at my sweet little Rae. They hesitated a bit, looked at eachother, and then the older one nodded her head......NO! Are you kidding me. Then the other little snotty little brat nodded her head NO!
I feel sick telling this story. This true story. Makes my heart break into peices. So, there I am...completely dumb founded and at a total loss of what to say to my blushing and humiliated, but brave little girl.
All I could come up with is this:
I put the baby down, sat her on my lap and said how proud I was of her for being so brave. For not getting mad and not saying anything mean to them. I asked her if she was okay. She softly said "yes" as she clearly held back those tears that come from shear embarrassment. I asked her another question, "If you were playing with a friend and a little person came and asked you if they could play, what would you tell them?" and she said "yes". And then...I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I held in my emotions, even though I really wanted to give those little girls a really mean look and tell them that was really snotty and bratty. I just held Rae for a bit more and said, "ya know what Rae, you don't want to play with them anyway cause they arn't very nice! Go play with Evan...he will always say yes!" Thats the meanest I got, and Im proud of myself.
I really wanted to just tell her, 'don't worry Rae, they are ugly and mean and snotty and bratty anyway....and you don't want to play with them...cause they're MEAN GIRLS' but I didnt (guess thats the mama bear speaking:)
When she finally slid off my lap in search for Evan, I sat there. I pondered. And I feared. She is going to Kindergarten in the Fall. Some kids are mean. And what if this happens when Im not by her side to help her and comfort her. The thought of her by herself, so hurt, hurts my heart so bad. How do you do it...moms...when your kid gets so broken? What do you tell them when that happens? I have no idea! This was a first for me...and her. She recovered, didn't even cry, was so brave and tough, and moved on. But I haven't.
Any advice, warnings, experience...feel free to leave for me. It would be welcomed and appreciated.
9 comments:
Poor little Rae! I know I would have been so pissed if that happened to any of my kids! Tyson has had his share of mean kids and kids not treating him nice. In fact, one kid's GRANDPA yelled at him and caused him to cry. My heart broke for him. And what did I do? I walked right over to the guy and spoke calmly and said "is there a problem?" Of course the guy is total WT, so he then proceeded to "go off" on me too! Some people are insane and mean and rude and 'snotty'. You deal with it and it's sad, but in the end, when your kids see that you handled it well, they learn to cope too. Kindergarten is such a big step...I'm sure we'll be swapping stories in a few months :)
You put Aunt Laci on speed dial and I will tell you EXACTLY what to do!!! Hands down, this kind of situation is the hardest thing for me as a mom. It gets to the point where you almost hate other kids at times. I know, kids are kids, but it totally bites when some parents are so ghetto that they don't pay attention to their kids or teach them a thing. It's hard Farrs, I won't lie for a minute. I have shed many a tear over this exact thing and praying that HF helps me know how to handle these situations and how to teach my girls. Knowing your kids are hurting is the worst pain there is. For sure. K, just call and really I'll give you some pointers :) Love you tons!
oh farrs, remember my teeth? i got made fun of so much in elementary, but it didnt keep me from having a ton of friends!!! rae is too sweet to not get friends, she'll sift through the mean ones and find some awesome ones! i dont think you should worry, she is so smart! its good to be worried though :) she might turn out to be a bully, like me!!! hahaha
those lile bitches. good thing i was not there. i remember when that would happen to you guys and i would just go over there and say, "hey bitch, wats up?" and just calmly walk away. just kidding remember when I told you about alix? the little boy said he would never marry her cause she was black. she immediately said i'm not black i'm brown! she solved it herself and most of the time that is what happens.You build up their self-esteem at home so they can help themselves. love you guys and i realy do want to beat up those kids. my rae is too good for that. love you guys mom
Farrs,
That makes my heart hurt so bad! Sweet little Rae doesn't need to play with stuck up MEAN kids like that! Any advice would help me too, because I worry about this EVERYDAY! I want to teach my children to include everyone no matter what, too! It is so important to make everyone feel included and loved. Love you all!
wow...mom...someone help her please.
Unfortunately we can't protect our children from everything, as much as we would like. They will have teachers they don't like, people will be mean, they will lose a game, and the list goes on. The best thing is to be there when they fall. We can think sensibly and talk them through it. My favorite time is when the kids tell me the ins and outs of the day on the way home in the car. There have been times when I have told other children that their actions were not nice and that they hurt someone's feelings. You really have to scope the situation and if it is a safe time for teaching, then I say go. I would accept a nice, calm mother to help my children realize a mistake when I wasn't around. On the other hand, some parents aren't so accepting of such help. The other thing to consider is that the parents of those children have actually taught them the right things, they just made a mistake. That's another difficult thing about parenting..... kids make their own choices. And we have to love them, even when they make choices we don't like. Keep up the great work with those amazing little kids.
i have the same fear. I am mostly proud of you. I would have loved to rip those little brats heads off. :) Love you farrah and love your little kids. They are the best.
farrah I was kidding. what's a little frivolity anyway. don't tell rae i said the b-word. love you, mom
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