Wednesday, April 11, 2012

#1 question from Rae...

Mom...are you gonna have another baby?
Makes my heart sink a little every time she asks, but I gently say, I think so. Because thats the truth. Since my miscarriage occured, I have had a little battle going on with myself. My head and my heart are at odds with eachother. My head keeps telling me things like...'you may not be adequate or strong enough or prepared or able to have number 4'. But my heart argues this every time I see that precious sweet tiny little infant. Whether it be baby Elsie craddled in my little Raegans arms, or the little baby I see at church just one row ahead of me slumbering on her daddys chest. My heart knows. My head doesn't.
Gotta get it together. But I had to share this most precious picture. Rae is in complete Heaven. I know a part of her longs for this...permanently...as she was anticipating it in her near future for a few months.

Ponderings & Passions & nonsense 4 most!

Lately, I have been in a pondering mood:) Not sure what has caused this pondering, but whatever it is...I LIKE IT! I'd have to say Im really looking forward to living in my 30's. I think I have lived in a sort of limbo from about age 18 to 25ish. Wishing I was some things that Im not. But realizing and accepting me for me has been so refreshing and satisfying. This is silly...I know. Maybe its normal...maybe not. Maybe late, maybe not. But this whole little caption brings me to the point of this picture:

I married an unbelievably passionate person. I have always thought that I was a passionate person...until he came along. He gets fixed on something and I tell ya...its game over. He goes all out...and has a new passion in life! Ive realized I like a little of this and a little of that, but I dont get fixed on much. I began to think. What am I passionate about? I know Im passionate about something. I know Im passionate about my kids. Thats easy. Before my kids came along...What have I been passionate about? What passions do I have that I want my kids to know about. Two things came to my mind. One, Soccer. And two, Adventures in nature. If I wasn't playing soccer, I was hiking, rock climbing, mountain biking, camping. Is there a better place on earth to enjoy the outdoors than UTAH...nope! After coming to this realization, I decided this was something I really want to instill in my kids...the love of the outdoors. And considering this being both mine and Shawns passion...it should be easy. But what really makes it easy is its free:) ...and...its in my BaCkYaRd.

So, I got a little spark from within, and Im gonna run with it. Where that spark came from...who knows? Maybe the turn of winter into spring ignited the fire, or maybe the fact that our kids are reaching the age of being able to hike rather than crawl up the mountain is the fuel. But, if (by some very very small chance:) nothing else works out for my kids later on in life, whether it be sports, music, cheerleading, or dance...I hope this can be something they can always fall back on, their love for the outdoors! And maybe its fair to say that because I should probably never EVER play soccer again, I come from the position of having something that has always been a passion, a real passion, dissinigrate...I can be grateful for my other love. Spin class is fun, but I can say Im not really passionate about it:) And, I can now combine my passion for my kids with my love of the outdoors! Neat.

One pitfall (so far) is this...we have discovered that Mayci has more endurance hiking than Raegan. Hmmmm. Or maybe Rae hates hiking:) Not sure what the solution is for this dilemma, but sure enough we know Raegan LOVES camping. So, we are gonna tread this water slow and do our best to make all our future adventures enjoyable for the KIDS. Needless to say, we left Rae out (not on purpose, but because she decided playing with her cousins sounded way more fun than a hike) and took the 2 little ones on a hike. We packed a little lunch and rounded up our pack for Mayci to ride in, which we were positive she would LOVE! But, as you take a close look at the picture, Mayci is on the ground, and the pack on Shawns shoulders is empty. She didnt want anything to do with the piggy back ride. She hiked the entire way...as happy as could be. Made us proud! I will admit, she hiked up, Shawn carried her down...and not in the pack.
I know these adventures wont happen as OFTEN as I would like, nor will they go as expected, BUT Im excited to begin these little adventures. I can really say begin, because the sleeping passion within has been just that...sleeping! Its awake now. And Im ready!