Snotty little bratty little SNOTS!

So, this weekend was full of fun. We went to Auntie HO's volleyball tourny Saturday, and from there we attended the annual soccer alumni game. It was crazy...cause Shawn was gone and I was solo with the three little ones (which is why I only played...oh...about 5 total minutes in the game, but that was probably best anyway considering the awesome condition of my knee).

The kids had fun in the gym...yet again...but it was different cause there was no daddy, but there was auntie...so it was great.

We had a little spot that we stayed in the whole 3 hours we were there, and while we were there, different fans would come and go. Anyway, to get to the point here...and a small explanation for the title of this blog...here ya go:

Raegan spotted a few girls about her age playing with a bucket full of those bobble head toys. She kept eyeing them and then turned to me and said, "mom, do you think I can play with them?" At first I thought...'of course'...but then I re-thought. What if they turn her down? That is really brave of her if she really asks them...and then if she gets turned down...then what? What lesson can be learned? What would I tell her? Then I thought..' holy cow, Farrah, don't sweat it...of course they will let her play!'

So, I said..."sure, go and ask them if you can play with them...I'm sure they'll let you." She was a bit nervous and asked if I could go with her, so I did, but I stood a step behind her. Her brave, nervous little soul slowly approached these friends to be and cautiously asked..."can I play with you guys."

MMMM...my heart was sort of racing as I watched the girls look up at my sweet little Rae. They hesitated a bit, looked at eachother, and then the older one nodded her head......NO! Are you kidding me. Then the other little snotty little brat nodded her head NO!

I feel sick telling this story. This true story. Makes my heart break into peices. So, there I am...completely dumb founded and at a total loss of what to say to my blushing and humiliated, but brave little girl.

All I could come up with is this:

I put the baby down, sat her on my lap and said how proud I was of her for being so brave. For not getting mad and not saying anything mean to them. I asked her if she was okay. She softly said "yes" as she clearly held back those tears that come from shear embarrassment. I asked her another question, "If you were playing with a friend and a little person came and asked you if they could play, what would you tell them?" and she said "yes". And then...I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I held in my emotions, even though I really wanted to give those little girls a really mean look and tell them that was really snotty and bratty. I just held Rae for a bit more and said, "ya know what Rae, you don't want to play with them anyway cause they arn't very nice! Go play with Evan...he will always say yes!" Thats the meanest I got, and Im proud of myself.

I really wanted to just tell her, 'don't worry Rae, they are ugly and mean and snotty and bratty anyway....and you don't want to play with them...cause they're MEAN GIRLS' but I didnt (guess thats the mama bear speaking:)

When she finally slid off my lap in search for Evan, I sat there. I pondered. And I feared. She is going to Kindergarten in the Fall. Some kids are mean. And what if this happens when Im not by her side to help her and comfort her. The thought of her by herself, so hurt, hurts my heart so bad. How do you do it...moms...when your kid gets so broken? What do you tell them when that happens? I have no idea! This was a first for me...and her. She recovered, didn't even cry, was so brave and tough, and moved on. But I haven't.

Any advice, warnings, experience...feel free to leave for me. It would be welcomed and appreciated.

a sting in my eye...

so...do you have those moments where you look at your kids...
and feel a sting in your eye.

even just those spontaneous moments, where the love is so overwhelming
that you feel like you should just cry.

i'm having a lot of those lately. i feel a sting in my eye often.
when i check on them before i go to bed,
when i see them play together,
when they wake up and run to me to be held,
many moments through out the day.

raegan...she is giving me a sting lately.

she is growing up, and accomplishing those steps you never think your child will reach because in your mind...thats only what big kids do...and your kid will NEVER be a big kid.

well, here are just a few of those steps she is taking in becoming a big kid:


tied my shoes on her feet all by herself


just a face that growing up, a beautiful girl

being the 'biggest in our family'. taking care of her little sister...
not gonna be last time doing that either:)

riding her bike without training wheels

going out on a 'daddy/daughter date'...first of many to come,
but may not be so excited for them the older she gets.
gotta say, she adores that guy, and i think he adores her!

anyway, just want to say to my little, but getting so big, rae...
i love you with my whole heart and more.

your my angel,
forever and ever!
__________________________________________________________________

here are some little conversations between rae and ev...they made me laugh kinda hard:

...playing house...

Rae: "do you want to be Jackson or Sam?"

Evan: "Jackson."

Rae: "No, be Sam."
(she only wants him to be Sam because he chose Jackson...happens every time.:)

Evan: "No."

Rae: "Evan, you're gonna be Sam"

Evan: "NO!"

Rae: "Evan, just say K...K"

Evan: "K"
(and then...he was Sam...)

the DS feud:

so, whenever rae is playing the DS, evan likes to watch but rae doesn't let him because supposedly his 'breath smells'. whatever...

she sat down and began playing. evan trotted on by and saw her, so he crawled up beside her and poked his smelly little head right beside rae's , so rae pulled the DS into her chest, out of smelly evan's sight.

evan dropped his head and slid off the couch. defeated yet again, he sat on the ground and said:

"cause my bumb smells, huh raegan."

i could not stop laughing....

bumb...breath, guess its all the same:)

Natalie...an old friend that gave me a new life.

natalie, i want to write this to you. what i really want to do is see you and hug you but because distance keeps me here, and you there, i feel like the closest thing to that is a hug through words. though my words wont be nearly as beautiful as yours, i still have to tell you...

you have changed my life.

you have changed a lot of lives.

since i heard of your terrible loss, one that i cannot even comprehend, i have been thinking of you, crying for you, and praying hard for you.

when i heard, i had just given birth to my third baby. EVERY time i looked at her, i cried. i cried for you. i thought about you. when i would cradle her, my thoughts would carry me to your world of unimaginable sorrow and heartbreak for your loss of the same exact, and very real gift i was embracing, and i would weep. a lot.

from then, to now, and forever on, you have been the source of my new me.
your unwavering faith,
your courageous strength,
your sincere and open honesty...
i don't understand.

you have slowed my whole world down. you have highlighted the important from the not important. you have given me a perspective. when my crazy life gets crazier, i am able to look at myself from the outside looking in. a new and ever changing perspective. when im wrapped up in baby poop and my other 2 kids are goin at it, and the stove is on with food overflowing, and burning, and its sets the fire alarm off and the scene gets even more ridiculous...i smile...cause i would laugh if i saw it on tv...if it wasn't me...if i was outside looking in.

there are those monumental moments in life that you will never forget...that change you forever. natalie...i veiw you as a convert veiws that humble and faithful servant of the Lord...that young but fresh and powerful spirit who couageously knocked, and taught, and changed a life forever. a generation forever.

i thank my Heavenly Father every night for knowing you, for being friends wih you. and in the very same breath...i pray for you. i pray for peace, comfort, strength. i pray that He will be there for you in your very dark and lonely moments, that something, someone, some thought, will grab you and hold on to you. and that leads me to pray for myself. that if ever i am the one, or the source, that Heavenly Father needs, to comfort or be there for someone in need...i will listen, and act.

i love you natalie. i think about you everyday. i read about you everyday. and i pray for you everyday.

all i can say...is..

thank.you.

Natalie is a treasured friend from High School. This is her website. Please read...you will be lifted.
http://www.natalienortonphoto.com/

Child of God

Now this is what it's all about...really!

I LOVE how serious Raegan is...and how monotone Evan is. Makes me laugh a lot.