Question to moms...

So, I'm not sure I should be writing right now...I'm on a very strong pain killer to relieve my burning migraine, it's 12:08 am, I'm coming down with some sort of cold or something, I've been crying a lot of the day, I think I am PMSing, and it's just been one of those days. Most of you should just opt out of reading this considering the list that goes on of why I should NOT be writing right now. But, out of this post, perhaps I will get some counseling from all the wise and perfect mothers out there, although I would prefer advise from all the non-perfect and crazy ones right now. Here's my question...do you ever feel like you have been given a beautiful, blonde-haired, hazel-eyed, funny, sensitive, totally normal but high-maintenance child that you don't know how to mother. You feel totally incompetent, unworthy, and just don't have the skills needed to teach. That's the best way I can describe it...the way I feel on days like today. Nothing in particular happened out of the norm, I just have those days every now and then (I don't get it)! What is wrong with ME...not her! And then, after that thought, do any of you start to think of all the things you might have done wrong while trying to teach your infant/toddler (like, what the heck was I thinking when I started to bite her back when she would bite...SO NOT ME, and SO NOT GOOD FOR HER...or attempting all methods of 'sleep training' which made me more miserable than her...or having a tear-attack (nervous breakdown is another phrase) with her in sight...or having a second baby too soon for her tender and needy personalilty...just to name a few things I think of often). Well, that's where Im at folks. I can't express to anyone the way my heart swells for this little girl when I watch her sleep and kiss her chuncky soft cheeks, or watch her play with her babies like they have real beating hearts, or see the few sweet moments she has with her little brother. And I never wonder why I was the lucky one to recieve her because I know God knew that I would give my very last breath for her...but I do wonder if I'm doing what's right for her, the right way for her, living up to God's expectations. I guess I have to trust that Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when He sent her to me to be my first. I have to trust that she will have the strength to get through all the tests and experiments needed to know what works and what doesn't. I'm sorry, Rae. I will tell that to you now cause I know I'm not a perfect person, therefor, I'm not a perfect mom. I've never done this before, but as my own wise mother said, I know how to love. And after I had you, I know how to love perfectly and that's what I can promise you I will do forever and ever! Goodnight:)

A few good laughs...

So, for those of you out there who think Evan is ALL Hofheins...YOU ARE WRONG! This picture speaks for itself! Knocked knees is what we like to call it around here, and when you watch Evan walk, well, like father like son! So I guess its true, he's just like daddy from the waist down:) The other picture is of Rae's buddy. I find her buddy all over the house in some pretty funny places, this one in particular was sitting there to 'watch me cook'. I find it very amusing to ask her why her baby is where it is only to get that kind of response...totally off the wall. Also, I have to post some pretty funny conversations we've had over the last few weeks, as well as some funny little things she comes up with all on her own...

I sat down on the couch after picking up and sighed. She says: 'Are you tired, honey?' I died!

Rae: I went poo and nobody wasn't up there with me to wipe me
Me: Who wiped you then
Rae: I just only wipe my bum all by myself
UH OH! Poor girl.

Evan sneezed.
Rae: OOOOOEEW! Evan, you just bless you'd on me

My mom was leaving and to keep Rae from wanting to go with her, she said Kobie's coming home from school and I need you to watch her for me. Perfect! Soon enough Kobie walks in and Rae says: Kobie, gramma says I'm gonna watch you K
Kobie: Oh, really
Rae: Yeah...is that cool?
How does she come up with these things!?

In the car waiting for her to buckle up, and I'm getting impatient.
Me: Rae, hurry up, we can't go until your buckled
Rae: I am, mom, just chill
WHAT! My sister was with me and we couldn't stop laughing at that one.

Anytime we are driving around trying to find our destination.
Rae: Mom, are we loosed.

Oh wow. Those are just a few of the MANY things she says that truly make me laugh ALL DAY LONG! I'm with my sisters alot more now, and they keep telling me to write it down, but seriously, I would be writing all day if that were the case. She is so much fun to watch and listen to right now just cause she really learns something new EVERYDAY and it totally catches me off guard as I wonder to myself, 'where did she come up with that' or 'how does she know that word'. Scary! She is growing up so fast and I try to soak it all up, every stage, because soon enough she's gonna be 16 and when she tells me to 'just chill' its going to take on a whole new meaning and I'm sure its not going to put a smile on my face.

As I promised...

and because Shawn is begging me to put these pictures up. He left again today on, yet again, another road trip, and he really really really wants me to post Rae in action! Just look for the red, white, and blue blondie with pink shoes...THATS OUR LITTLE RAE...sportin' her soccer skills in her 'new' soccer gear. Yes, some may think, oh she looks like a little boy, but in my mind, part of the fun in starting something new is being able to pick out your own gear...and yes, we did find it all in the boys section only because there was NOTHING in the girls section. Like little girls only dance and sing...well not mine:) She is a stud, really! I got all choked up (weird, I know) watching her today. I can't really explain why, I guess it was just the sheer joy of being a mom...this is what its all about. Having your little girl grow up and want to be just like her mommy...atleast for now...and see that big beautiful smile smeared across her face because she knows its all about her. Mommy is there to see her, run around with her, pay all attention to her. And as I tear up now I feel pathetic, but after having Evan, that is one thing I always stuggled with. What's going to happen to my little Rae who is so used to sucking up all of me to being forced to take second place (which, might I add, was quite a struggle, but she's pulled through like all of the #1's out there). Anyway, this is good for both of us and I just have to say...I love my little Rae more than I can bear. She holds a real special place in my heart for many reasons aside from being sooo special herself. I love you sporto:)

Fall Fun

This weekend was GREAT! We got to see a lot of Shawn's family and spend some much needed time soaking up all the beautiful weather that the fall season still has to offer. We all attended the volleyball game on Friday as BYU (Shawn) took on the U of U (Heather). Unfortunately BYU lost, but they played better and it was neat to see siblings compete but also show so much maturity and poise as they embraced after the match... priceless:) We went up AF canyon on Saturday, ate lunch at Tibblefork, and enjoyed the magestic beauty of the mountains painted in all the fall
colors... yellow, orange, red, purple ... beautiful. We made a necessary stop at Smart Cookie to buy our weekend treasure...a dozen sugar cookies (seriously, they are magical) and headed over to HEE HAW farm. The kids enjoyed the animals, slides, train rides, fat pigs, hay trampolines, hay rides, and more...and I have to admit I enjoyed some of the activities myself. Here are the pictures, and one of my favorites is Brion snapping Rae in her most precious pose...by the way...Brion, if you read this, thanks for all the pics...your so nice to lug all your stuff around just to snap all of our most favorite moments! Your very kind:) Cole...your a lucky lady and you too Bri-dog:)...love you guys and it was so nice to hang out...its been way too long. Until next time....

True Love

Here is Rae with her true love...Baby Lennon! She is absolutely obsessed and so am I a little:) We got to play with him again and we loved every minute of it!!!!! I could not get enough of his new talents...he was so smiley and just talkin' away. If I have to say so myself...those are some pretty good snap shots:)

I really really want to play mom...

Now, this is what I have been hearing my little Raegan crying for for the past week and I'm sure you can all guess what she really really wants to play! NOPE...not volleyball...very surprising I'm sure because volleyball pretty much has consumed our lives! She wants to be like her mommy...YES! SOCCER! The sport may live on here in this household and I do think Raegan is a perfect candidate for the sport if ya know what I mean. It really brings me a slight smile to hear her desperately wanting to be just like mommy. Here we are, since she was born, attending volleyball, talking volleyball, daddy volleyball, volleyball girls, life volleyball...and she watches me every once in a while play a little indoor (or try atleast), and here we are literally trying to find a way for her to play. The picture illustrates her passion for it already. For a few weeks she has been 'pretending' to play soccer, but one morning that all changed. She literally woke up, got out of bed, searched for her 'soccer shirt', put it on, found her soccer socks (tights...close enough), put them on, and her crocs will do for now. She got all strapped up in this gear all by herself and then she proceeded to really cry all morning... 'I really have a soccer game mom, you need to take me and drop me off, I really really want to play mom..,' and these are real tears she's producing! So I HAVE to find a way and I think I did. They have a program called Soccer Buddies and its just right for her. We'll post some pics of her in real action very very soon:)

Alpaca Day

Here are some pictures of one beautiful Saturday morning enjoyed by all! They hold a little fair-like event up here in Alpine where there is a big alpaca farm and the kids LOVED it. They had the neatest little go-cart train mobile...I would have been in it all day too when I was a kid! It was pretty cool...and the background scenery was magical...the fall leaves colored the mountains and the sun was bright, what more can ya ask for?!