I can't even stand to open my blog another second and see that last post. It seems selfish. Of course we are going to bring that special spirit (whom I know is there and have felt even the very day I had Mayci) who is waiting in the Heavens to join our family:) Not sure exactly when that will happen...but Im not in a hurry:) Although there are some nerves along with excitement, I have to say thats how it is every time...right?! So please excuse my moment of selfish self-pity. We all have them...I just choose to share them every now and again:) Not super-woman as everyone knows!!
Maybe this new perspective and clarity has emerged at a time where what really matters and whats really important in this life has once again hit our family like a semi.
Angie has suffered two strokes...at the age of 35...in a way that could happen to virtually anyone that is healthy, excersizes, eats right, has 3 kids, a husband, a job, a lot of friends, and a family that loves her more than words can express. It was quite severe, so sever they ended up having to remove part of her cerebellum. She will most certainly have some intense rehab in her long-term future...but for now we are actually praying for that. She is very critical, and could still throw another blood clot and suffer another stroke at any time.
This has been devestating, in an instant. But in the same instant, what really matters in life is so suddenly clear. I have already experienced regret. Why didn't I do this, or that, or the other? Why? I hate regret. There is no room for it in this short life. I will make room for what is important. Relationships. With my kids, husband, family and friends. Thats whats important. Thats what makes life rich. I will make sure that I am never too busy, too stressed, too selfish, too good for, too poor, too rich, too fat, too thin, too ugly, too pretty, too whatever! to have and keep my family and friends close. Im sure I have before. I will not again (may be an impossible feat, but no harm in striving for it:). They could be gone in an instant, literally. I want to embrace without judgement, without spite, without chaos. I want to accept weaknesses, failures, and be there to help and lift in times of trials. I want to do this
for my kids and
with my kids. Be an example of this for them, in hopes they do the same. Thats what matters. Thats what makes life full and rich and peaceful.
I want my kids to see me cry. For someone else. I want them to see me help and lift and laugh with others. I want them to see me serve. I want them to see me kneel in prayer. I want them to kneel with me. My mom and dad served me as the greatest examples of empathy, compassion, service, and faith...I want to do the same.
Just had to emerge some raw and intense emotions that have completely taken over me this last week. I never want to forget. And I want to be held to it:)
**As far as Angies status goes, she has undergone surgery to remove part of her cerebellum. They sedated her, and as of yesterday, she is slowly waking up and showing good signs of comprehension. As far as the extent of her damage goes, we are still unsure. These next few months will be critical. The injury that caused the strokes can take up to 6 months to heal. She is a fighter. She is stubborn. She is determined. And she has a lot of prayers., which I thank you from the bottom of my heart.**
