I'm not sure why I am doing this. Feels therapeutic...people say it's good to do but still not sure because I am a wreck. Not ashamed one bit. Everything is a blur as will probably be this post. I'm not sure when the last time I cried like this was. Had to have been when Farrah broke off our engagement and to me life was over. Ironic that it was then that I got you. You healed my heart and now it's torn in pieces all over. You truly never left my side for 11 years. You were fiercely loyal and your love was constant and sincere. Anyone that has come into contact with our family during your life knows that you were one of us. Many people laughed at the fact that we could not go anywhere without you. Vacations, reunions...you were literally present at everything. I should be in Vegas right now but this all came on so fast. That is probably just as good. I'm considering driving to Vegas once we find your final resting place but I don't know if I could do it. We have made that drive so many times because we would never have considered a trip to California without you...so we always drove. I know the exact exits from here to California that have the grass you need because you would never do your "business" on dirt. You were the best security one could ever imagine. Your bark frightened all who knocked and you were loyal to that protection even last night at 10pm when Grandpa came over to watch the kids while we took you "home." Grandpa knocked...you barked and barked some more. Thank You!!! I was never once concerned leaving on my numerous road trips knowing that Farrah had you there. I've read that getting another dog is the best thing to do. NO...can't. Not yet. You were too perfect for our family. It wouldn't be fair to another dog because I don't believe I could love them the same. We'll be fine. I promise. I'm blessed knowing that you are running and breathing better than ever right now. I will miss my jogging partner through the hills. No hill was too steep nor snow too deep...you would follow. I will miss your constant devotion to doing whatever just to be by my side. No one could deter you from that. Sometimes I would leave a room full of people knowing you would get right up and follow me without ever being called. Made me proud and I admit I felt like a King!!! I could run through the hills, walk downtown or run on a crowded beach full of dogs and you never even needed a leash. You would not leave my side nor ignore my calls. Even those two other dog owners at the vet yesterday were amazed at your obedience to your last breath. I know you came to me and layed your head in my lap while they were poking you with needles wanting me to make it stop and in the end I did do that. Out of my love and total devotion to you. I knew you would be better. I brought you home yesterday after the diagnosis thinking I could have the weekend and a few nights by your side, but watching you last night was too hard. I needed to make you better just as you did me when I was in pain so many years ago. Last night wasn't a time for me to be selfish. The pain and heavy breathing are gone. I'm happy to know you will be close to our stomping grounds and family.
I love you Girl!!!
