farrah...quit being so hard on yourself!

I think I need to say this to myself 10 times a day! I struggle with guilt where no guilt is necessary. A few blogs ago I expressed my stupidity and guilt in celebrating Rae's birthday a few days later than it really was...to save some confusion, time, and mostly...ENERGY! Well, I can honestly say now, it was one of those times I should have said...'farrah...quit being so hard on yourself...you decided to do it this way to save some energy...and now you are wasting all that energy on all this guilt and worry'. I now agree with the plans I originally made and do not feel AT ALL bad about what I did...because it turned out to be a very very special day...all day...for the only one that matters....RAEGAN! I guess the only difficult part of my 'plan' was not being able to express to Raegan all my excitement on her special day...but I reserved it all and dumped it on her when her birthday (according to her) finally came...it was worth it:) Any how, a little shout out to all those who came to give Raegan all your love and support. It was so good to have all the special people in our lives and now hers come together for such a special celebration.

We love our little Raegan, and all that comes with her. She is all her own special person. We love the way she plays with her little brother and takes such good care of all her little babies. Daddy loves the way his little girl rubs his face in the middle of the night until he wakes up, picks her up, and holds her in his arms till morning. We love the switch she has...nice Rae...sassy Rae...within a matter of seconds. We love to see her excitement with even the simplest new tricks she figures out all on her own...snapping, cart wheels, and spelling her name. We love the heart to heart conversations and seeing all that goes on in that funny little brain of hers, like giving away her little brother just like that. But mostly, I love the way she loves me. No matter what. She loves me and wants me around and wants to sit on my lap and read books, and wants me to lay down with her, and wants me ride bikes with her, and push her on the swing. She wants to still give me kisses and hugs and wants to tell me...'I love you mommy, your my best friend forever.' There is nothing more I love than her love...and I hope it last forever!

Little Lennon Lights our Lives...for a week

Raegan had more fun with Lennon than she does with kids her age. I would catch them playing like this multiple times throughout the day.

Look at that face...are you kidding me!

Here is Rae's new picture pose...

Tub time was fun! Rae thouroghly enjoyed playing with a real baby in the tub. Lennon just sat there and let her go crazy....poor baby:( His face says it all...'um...please help'.

And here are the 3 kids jammed into the car, enjoying lunch and playing in the tub!

Thanks again, Rach, for trusting me with your sweet sweet baby. He really was so easy! Count your many blessing little lady, cause he is one special kid. Love you guys...miss you Lennon!

OK...I BLEW IT!

Raegan's first day of life

Raegan's first birthday

Raegan 2 years old

Raegan 3 years old

(and more to be posted after the celebration of her 4th birthday)

So, I get to watch my sisters baby this week while they are in Hawaii, and can I say...he is such an angel. So, before I picked him up at my mom's I went birthday shopping for Rae. I dropped off all her gifts at my mom's while I picked Lennon up and now I'm regretting it. I knew I should have left one gift with me to give Rae today and make this day a special day for her cause...ya know...it is her birthday. Well, my train of thought was, why confuse her. Ill just brainwash her into thinking Friday is May 5...her birthday...and do nothing on her actual birthday...today. I was obviously not creative enough to think up an alternative solution...ya know...like a special breakfast and one present on her birthday and a big celebration in a few days (thanks carlina). So, now I'M dying. She doesn't get it at all, but I'M dying. It's too late now because the day is half over and I have no presents with me...AND I have told all our loved ones to wait till Friday to call and send birthday messages (which is totally retarded and unheard of), but I really am dying having to hold in all the emotions I really do feel in my heart. No matter what day we celebrate her birthday, I am thinking of 4 years ago today and the flood of emotions that is completely unexplainable. The love that I had instantly...a love I have never experienced...and a love that has only grown since that day. She is a beautiful girl inside and out. She is my first miracle. I love her so much. My heart truly swells when I think back to that special day...when God handed me the most precious gift this world has to offer...my little baby girl. Because I have to wait till Friday to spoil her rotten, I thought that I could relieve some emotion here. Raegan, I love you more than words can describe, and I learned a big lesson...never attempt this kind of trickery again...it's not very fun! I guess thats what life is about...we live...we learn:) Please, all those who read this, learn from my mistakes!