Wednesday, April 11, 2012

#1 question from Rae...

Mom...are you gonna have another baby?
Makes my heart sink a little every time she asks, but I gently say, I think so. Because thats the truth. Since my miscarriage occured, I have had a little battle going on with myself. My head and my heart are at odds with eachother. My head keeps telling me things like...'you may not be adequate or strong enough or prepared or able to have number 4'. But my heart argues this every time I see that precious sweet tiny little infant. Whether it be baby Elsie craddled in my little Raegans arms, or the little baby I see at church just one row ahead of me slumbering on her daddys chest. My heart knows. My head doesn't.
Gotta get it together. But I had to share this most precious picture. Rae is in complete Heaven. I know a part of her longs for this...permanently...as she was anticipating it in her near future for a few months.

8 comments:

Mike said...

Ahhh Farrah. This post hurts my heart, because I KNOW the kind of parents you an Shawn are. Of COURSE you are adequate, strong, and prepared. You two are BEYOND prepared. I don't know if you knew, but I am pregnant with our fourth. Deathly ill, but still find moments to be grateful for the miracle growing inside of me, even when I have MANY moments of wondering how the crap we're going to do this, when Mike and I BOTH feel underwater. I say go with your heart, I certainly wasn't using my head when we conjured up this one.

Mike said...

HA!! That was Tracie, not Mikey. he doesn't wax as "eloquent" as I do. nor as flowerry.

Crazy Lifferths said...

Love this in so many ways. I love that her first ? Is if she can hold Elsie EVERY TIME I see her. I know the heart vs head battle is a struggle, but I know you are adequate. You are an awesome mommy. Love you sis!

Becca said...

HAVE ANOTHER ONE!! i got teary eyed reading this, surprise right? the world needs more beautiful babies/children :) you're amazing

Natskyshoppeonline said...

i love the blog...i think your really a great parent to your children...i can see a very happy family..keep on going...that was cool...just drop by..

Jamie said...

It's funny, cause Brecklyn asks me the same thing...well, actually more like DEMANDS it. She said she HAS to have a sister. But with the forthcoming "surgery" that I was telling you about the other day...I don't think that's gonna happen. It's a very tough decision to have another child. I mean, look at me...there are 4 years in between Breck and Ty and Logan and Grayson because of the fact that I was SO indecisive about what to do. But when it's right it's right. Don't stress and worry too much about it. Just leave it up to the Man upstairs. There's no rush...you're still so young! Love you girl!

Staci said...

Farrah- I just came across your blog (hope that is okay) and wanted to tell you I think you are a stud.
The heart knows what the head tries to reason out.
You are AWESOME in my opinion and thanks for sharing such personal feelings that many can relate to but lock inside in fear no one else has such thoughts.

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