bad side: when it is left alone...which happens to be 90% of the time.
HA! HA! HA!
yEs, mY, fRiEnds...the kid now has a full blown mullet.
whatch ya gonna do bout it??!!
just laugh:)
its amazing.
Friday, February 03, 2012
CUZINS!
(business in the front...)
(...partay in the back!)These two little munchkins did this much of there time and it was hilarious. Mayci's bedroom door was shut, I peeked in, and this is what I found. In the dark. On the dora couch. Watching Barney. Quiet as can be. So awesome.
Here's the 4 of them. Quite the little squad.
Here's the 4 of them. Quite the little squad.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching Karalee's two boys while she went in for her weekly checkups with her OB....that means its oh so close!!! Cant wait to meet that little gal. The kids played fantastic! Honestly didnt hear a peep from them. Evan and Mayci were in HEAVEN! Raegan was lucky enough to get snagged by Aunt Laci:) These are a few pretty cute pictures of some time well spent with these little folks!
Monday, January 30, 2012
On a lighter note...I have posted a few pictures to catch up on life. Adventures of the last few months. The week after Christmas was spent at the cabin...some very needed down time and a lot of fresh air. It was amazing.
Here a few pictures from that week.
(scroll down for a few more posts...if your interested:) 
He is the man. Grampa ROCKS!
A lot of quality time spent with this guy we often call a stranger :)
He is the man. Grampa ROCKS!
A lot of quality time spent with this guy we often call a stranger :)It was nice to have him 100%.
cHrIsTmAs.
It was a little different this year. No tree. No lights. But a new home with happy healthy kids.
And santa found us with the help of Lennon's Elf on a Shelf.
We closed on our new home the same day I found out I had lost the baby.
Had surgery the next day.
Had a week or so to recover.
Had a week to pack up.
Moved.
Had a week to unpack...somewhat:)
Then Christmas hit us.
Good thing I felt the urge to get all my shopping done well ahead of time.
Not normal behavior, but once again, a tender mercy:)
Reagan with her favorite gift. Beyblades. Go figure.
Mayci, with her favorite gift. A talking duck. So easy:)
First snap shot on Christmas morning. New Jammie. Mmmm...so cozy.
Raegan was pleased that our WHOLE family room was "COVERED".Love the perception of a 6 year old!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Short and long version
Goodness gracious, do I need to catch up! Ill have to get some pictures up here soon, but for now, I just gotta write:)
First. We moved. Twice. Within the last 6 months. Joy:) Not really, but I do have to thank everyone who helped, and helped extra. This was a multiple step ordeal, and Im so grateful for everyones help along the way. From those who showed up to help me pack boxes, to moving boxes, to moving boxes again! You are all AMAZING!
We moved from Spanish Fork to Alpine to now....Highland. We can call Highland our home for now and hopefully for longer than 2 years! We are so excited about our home, where it is, and who we live by. We are so blessed. Spanish Fork was very kind to us. I made some really good friends and still keep in touch with them.
Second. We hit a little bump in the road about 6 weeks ago.
Short version: I was 4 months pregnant when I went in for a check-up. The doctor could not find baby's heartbeat with the doppler, so he checked with an ultrasound. No heartbeat. I lost the baby. Had surgery the next day. Experienced some very sad sad days and weeks to follow. Lots of tender mercies along the way, and feel ultra blessed with the kids I have.
Long version: Let me go back 3 months. I was 10 weeks pregnant when I started to bleed. And cramp. Thought for sure it was a miscarriage. And basically resolved myself to that diagnosis. I sat around that day, from the time I started bleeding to the time I finally decided to go in, waiting for the miscarriage to occur. It wasnt fun, but I was actually ok with it. I knew it was normal and that it happens in a lot of pregnancies. I cried. But I cried mostly cause I was REALLY nervous. Nervous for what was going to occur and what I was going to see.
Like I said, I was waiting around for something to happen when I was advised to go into the ER to get checked out. So I did. They did an ultrasound, took blood, etc., and told me there was a small tear between the placenta and uterus. He said it;s common and should heal, just be careful. So...thats what we did.
At 12 weeks, I saw my doctor. Who is amazing. In fact, so amazing that I was willing to drive to Payson to see him! I let him know of the incident at 10 weeks and he gave me a very thorough ultrasound exam and explaination of everything. He could see where the tear was. Explained that if you are going to tear, thats the place. It was located at the bottom of my placenta. If it was at the top, you risk the weight of the placenta on the uterus to tear more or just not heal. I was lucky. And SO relieved that everything was going to be ok. I heard the heartbeat. It was a strong and healthy heartbeat. Baby was healthy and growing right on track. He said he would see me at 16 weeks, check up on it with an ultrasound to make sure it was all healed up.
Shawn was there with me at 12 weeks for the thorough exam just to make sure everything was ok. He really wanted to be with me at the 16 week check up, because we were going to find out what we were having! He had a meeting but said he'd get out in time to meet me. I still hadn't heard from him by the time I was driving down to my appointment, but I was ok with it. I think the excitement and anticipation of finding out what baby was helped:)
I checked in as usual and did all the normal 'pee in the cup' things. Then doc came in and told me to lay on the table. He got the dopler out and handed it to his assistant to find the heartbeat. She rolled it around on my little bump and found my hearbeat. Rolled it around some more. Found my heartbeat again. Kept rolling. Passed over mine again. About 90 seconds had passed, which felt like 90 hours, without finding baby's heartbeat. My heart started racing. The assistant at this point was pushing SO hard on my little bump when she finally handed the machine over to doc who gave an honest effort as well. They were blaming this on everything from the doppler to having an uncooperative baby. They had me sit up and reassured me they werent going to let me go without getting the heartbeat. They needed an ultrasound but the room was occupied. So they left me waiting. In that quiet little room. By myself. I could feel my heart beat thumping in my neck. My hands were sweaty, and I really wanted Shawn. I text him, but no reply. So I sat. I had a lot going through my head, but was still hopeful that it was just a fluke. I was 4 months along and certainly past any sort of 'danger period'.
Finally after 15 minutes or so, they opened the door and had me lay on the bed in the ultrasound room. Just the doc and me. The picture came up and I saw baby. He scanned my little bump. Before he even said anything tears were rolling down the sides of my face. Not because I knew what was going on, but I think all the nerves got the best of me. Then he spoke. All he had to say was what he said and I understood. He said that this is really what he wasnt hoping for. And that this is the hardest part of his job. I had lost the baby. The baby was lifeless. No heartbeat. No blood circulation. But as I stared at the picture of that little baby, what was to be my little boy or girl, it was really hard to believe. In an instant, gone. The tears were dripping in my ears and down my neck and I can't remember what the doc said after that. I was so so sad.
He spoke with me in his office for a bit. He was so sad for me, and so sweet. He told me from a medical perspective, there is no real explanation. With me being further along, he said I was one week off of having to be induced and actually deliver the baby (tender mercy #1). Instead, we set up an appointment for the next day to have baby surgically removed.
I walked out of the office and broke down. I called Shawn, and got through to him. I told him what had happened and he met me at home. He felt horrible for not being there, but who would have known. I was never mad about that.
He had picked up the kids from school before he met me at home, and that was tough. I had to tell Rae the sad news after she came RUNNING in with Evan by her side, asking...'is it a boy or girl mom?!' I had told them that Heavenly Father had a very important mission baby needed to do in Heaven. And more. But my little Rae's face, as she registered what I was telling her, was heartwrenching. Evan just listened and as he realized everything, he finally spoke and said, "Oh mom, Im gonna miss that baby." We were all able to chuckle a little through the tears. After it settled in a bit with the kids, another heartwrenching moment. Rae asked me, "Mom, what should I tell my class?" UGH! More tears.
The next few days and weeks to follow were really tough, emotionally. If I jotted down all the thoughts that my little brain created, I would be typing for another 3 years. Tender mercy #2 was having my sister Rachel fly in the day of my surgery. Not because of my surgery, but because it divine intervention and had been planned before they even moved! She stayed for 5 weeks, and those first 2 weeks, I was in the basement and she was just up the stairs from me. She kept me company. What a blessing. I found that when I was alone, which wasnt often, I cried. A lot. And if Rach hadn't been there, I would have been alone often. Tender mercy #3 was our move. Our new home. A lot of excitement over it, and a lot of work for it. A lot of distraction:)
There were tender mercies everywhere, and after going through this experience, I have been reminded once again how much control we have. Absolutely none. And without the gospel, and without faith, how do people live. Really. I know there are a lot worse things to go through...a lot, and like someone told me once, if you were ever in a circle of strangers and you were all able to throw into the middle your own trials and see the pile of everyone else's trial, you would probably pick yours right back up and move on. Which is what I have done here. I have been blessed beyond belief. My perspective has once again become more refined. More clear. On what is important and what is not. Now I need to live that. Remember what really matters. And what really matters is family. And love. Time. Quality time. And as the new year is here, this will be my focus. Spend my time wisely. Let the small things go. Love. And remember whats truly important.
Before I end this novel...I have one more thing to say. I truly love Shawn. He was solid. He was supportive. He was emotional. But most of all, he was there. When I really needed him. Like he always is. I hope thats not too cheesy for you Shawn, but I gotta let everyone know that you do more than just fart and burp;) I love you. And man oh man do I love my kids. What a real miracle and blessing each one of them are to me.
First. We moved. Twice. Within the last 6 months. Joy:) Not really, but I do have to thank everyone who helped, and helped extra. This was a multiple step ordeal, and Im so grateful for everyones help along the way. From those who showed up to help me pack boxes, to moving boxes, to moving boxes again! You are all AMAZING!
We moved from Spanish Fork to Alpine to now....Highland. We can call Highland our home for now and hopefully for longer than 2 years! We are so excited about our home, where it is, and who we live by. We are so blessed. Spanish Fork was very kind to us. I made some really good friends and still keep in touch with them.
Second. We hit a little bump in the road about 6 weeks ago.
Short version: I was 4 months pregnant when I went in for a check-up. The doctor could not find baby's heartbeat with the doppler, so he checked with an ultrasound. No heartbeat. I lost the baby. Had surgery the next day. Experienced some very sad sad days and weeks to follow. Lots of tender mercies along the way, and feel ultra blessed with the kids I have.
Long version: Let me go back 3 months. I was 10 weeks pregnant when I started to bleed. And cramp. Thought for sure it was a miscarriage. And basically resolved myself to that diagnosis. I sat around that day, from the time I started bleeding to the time I finally decided to go in, waiting for the miscarriage to occur. It wasnt fun, but I was actually ok with it. I knew it was normal and that it happens in a lot of pregnancies. I cried. But I cried mostly cause I was REALLY nervous. Nervous for what was going to occur and what I was going to see.
Like I said, I was waiting around for something to happen when I was advised to go into the ER to get checked out. So I did. They did an ultrasound, took blood, etc., and told me there was a small tear between the placenta and uterus. He said it;s common and should heal, just be careful. So...thats what we did.
At 12 weeks, I saw my doctor. Who is amazing. In fact, so amazing that I was willing to drive to Payson to see him! I let him know of the incident at 10 weeks and he gave me a very thorough ultrasound exam and explaination of everything. He could see where the tear was. Explained that if you are going to tear, thats the place. It was located at the bottom of my placenta. If it was at the top, you risk the weight of the placenta on the uterus to tear more or just not heal. I was lucky. And SO relieved that everything was going to be ok. I heard the heartbeat. It was a strong and healthy heartbeat. Baby was healthy and growing right on track. He said he would see me at 16 weeks, check up on it with an ultrasound to make sure it was all healed up.
Shawn was there with me at 12 weeks for the thorough exam just to make sure everything was ok. He really wanted to be with me at the 16 week check up, because we were going to find out what we were having! He had a meeting but said he'd get out in time to meet me. I still hadn't heard from him by the time I was driving down to my appointment, but I was ok with it. I think the excitement and anticipation of finding out what baby was helped:)
I checked in as usual and did all the normal 'pee in the cup' things. Then doc came in and told me to lay on the table. He got the dopler out and handed it to his assistant to find the heartbeat. She rolled it around on my little bump and found my hearbeat. Rolled it around some more. Found my heartbeat again. Kept rolling. Passed over mine again. About 90 seconds had passed, which felt like 90 hours, without finding baby's heartbeat. My heart started racing. The assistant at this point was pushing SO hard on my little bump when she finally handed the machine over to doc who gave an honest effort as well. They were blaming this on everything from the doppler to having an uncooperative baby. They had me sit up and reassured me they werent going to let me go without getting the heartbeat. They needed an ultrasound but the room was occupied. So they left me waiting. In that quiet little room. By myself. I could feel my heart beat thumping in my neck. My hands were sweaty, and I really wanted Shawn. I text him, but no reply. So I sat. I had a lot going through my head, but was still hopeful that it was just a fluke. I was 4 months along and certainly past any sort of 'danger period'.
Finally after 15 minutes or so, they opened the door and had me lay on the bed in the ultrasound room. Just the doc and me. The picture came up and I saw baby. He scanned my little bump. Before he even said anything tears were rolling down the sides of my face. Not because I knew what was going on, but I think all the nerves got the best of me. Then he spoke. All he had to say was what he said and I understood. He said that this is really what he wasnt hoping for. And that this is the hardest part of his job. I had lost the baby. The baby was lifeless. No heartbeat. No blood circulation. But as I stared at the picture of that little baby, what was to be my little boy or girl, it was really hard to believe. In an instant, gone. The tears were dripping in my ears and down my neck and I can't remember what the doc said after that. I was so so sad.
He spoke with me in his office for a bit. He was so sad for me, and so sweet. He told me from a medical perspective, there is no real explanation. With me being further along, he said I was one week off of having to be induced and actually deliver the baby (tender mercy #1). Instead, we set up an appointment for the next day to have baby surgically removed.
I walked out of the office and broke down. I called Shawn, and got through to him. I told him what had happened and he met me at home. He felt horrible for not being there, but who would have known. I was never mad about that.
He had picked up the kids from school before he met me at home, and that was tough. I had to tell Rae the sad news after she came RUNNING in with Evan by her side, asking...'is it a boy or girl mom?!' I had told them that Heavenly Father had a very important mission baby needed to do in Heaven. And more. But my little Rae's face, as she registered what I was telling her, was heartwrenching. Evan just listened and as he realized everything, he finally spoke and said, "Oh mom, Im gonna miss that baby." We were all able to chuckle a little through the tears. After it settled in a bit with the kids, another heartwrenching moment. Rae asked me, "Mom, what should I tell my class?" UGH! More tears.
The next few days and weeks to follow were really tough, emotionally. If I jotted down all the thoughts that my little brain created, I would be typing for another 3 years. Tender mercy #2 was having my sister Rachel fly in the day of my surgery. Not because of my surgery, but because it divine intervention and had been planned before they even moved! She stayed for 5 weeks, and those first 2 weeks, I was in the basement and she was just up the stairs from me. She kept me company. What a blessing. I found that when I was alone, which wasnt often, I cried. A lot. And if Rach hadn't been there, I would have been alone often. Tender mercy #3 was our move. Our new home. A lot of excitement over it, and a lot of work for it. A lot of distraction:)
There were tender mercies everywhere, and after going through this experience, I have been reminded once again how much control we have. Absolutely none. And without the gospel, and without faith, how do people live. Really. I know there are a lot worse things to go through...a lot, and like someone told me once, if you were ever in a circle of strangers and you were all able to throw into the middle your own trials and see the pile of everyone else's trial, you would probably pick yours right back up and move on. Which is what I have done here. I have been blessed beyond belief. My perspective has once again become more refined. More clear. On what is important and what is not. Now I need to live that. Remember what really matters. And what really matters is family. And love. Time. Quality time. And as the new year is here, this will be my focus. Spend my time wisely. Let the small things go. Love. And remember whats truly important.
Before I end this novel...I have one more thing to say. I truly love Shawn. He was solid. He was supportive. He was emotional. But most of all, he was there. When I really needed him. Like he always is. I hope thats not too cheesy for you Shawn, but I gotta let everyone know that you do more than just fart and burp;) I love you. And man oh man do I love my kids. What a real miracle and blessing each one of them are to me.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
bravest. courageous. heroes
i have veiwed a few episodes and specials that have been airing lately and have shed many many tears in doing so. i wonder to myself 'why am i doing this' and i answer it by saying 'i would want others to hear my story and cry with me.'
i have veiwed a few episodes and specials that have been airing lately and have shed many many tears in doing so. i wonder to myself 'why am i doing this' and i answer it by saying 'i would want others to hear my story and cry with me.'i feel a real surge of pain for all those families who have lost a loved one in this tragic event and am in complete awe of those brave men and women who charged TOWARD rather than away the catastophe and fires. who RAN up those flights of stairs rather than down. all in the name of sacrifice, bravery, compassion, duty, and real true heroism.
God Bless.
Monday, September 12, 2011
out with the old...light:
in with the new....light:
isnt it pretty:)
Big thanks to one of the nicest and most gorgeous families I know...
THE HANNEMANS!
Thank you so much. Im sure because we now have this beautiful light in our kitchen, we received over the weekend a...DRUM ROLL PLEASE...
A FULL.PRICE.OFFER ON OUR HOME!!!
(granted they are getting it at an unimaginable price...$62/sq.ft)
Its been accepted...now we'll just see if it really happens:)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
WATCH OUT PRESCHOOL
HERE I COME!
What a big day for this little guy. He was so excited right up until I had to say good-bye...then he got a little nervous and clutched a little tighter to my hand. I led him to the teacher, Miss Karen, who is so awesome, and told Evan she knows some secret toys he can play with.
He jumped from my arm to hers...and off they went.
What a joy.
It was hard for me to leave though. I stood outside the door just to wait and see if he would turn his head one last time looking for mommy. He did. So I waved. Then he waved with his brave but nervous grin. And THATS where I almost cracked...but I didn't. I walked back to the car hand in hand with my little Mayci. Met up with Becca. And enjoyed the most delicous MiMi's Cafe breakfast ever.
It was a grand day. And Evan cant stop asking when he gets to go to school again.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
My sweet little Raegan is feeling the effects of her dad being gone so much. She cries at LEAST once a day for him. Wants him to come home. Wishes I were daddy. Wishes I was like daddy. And many more things she cries out when she is missing her dad. Two quotes from her during these moments of anguish turned my stomach and stung my eyes:
1.
"Mom, I wish I was in Kindergarten again and not First grade so I could be home with dad...cause then I could be home early to see him."
2.
"I wish we could have 2 daddy's. One that could go to work and the other one that could stay home"
To which I wanted to reply....'well, that DOES happen!" HA HA HA!
There has always been an undeniably special bond between Rae and her dad, and Ive always seen it. But now I am hearing of it straight from her precious little lips. Try as I might, I explain why dad HAS to work, and what would happen if he didn't. I have tried to warn her of his schedule right now and of his new job and its requirements, but she just wants her dad. Plain and simple.
Its bitter sweet.
Bitter...because she truly does long for him.
Sweet....because she truly does long for him.
Friday, September 02, 2011
To Rachy:
Garden Fresh Tomatoes.
Fresh Mozerella cheese (or a cheese stick:).
Balsamic Vinegar.
Try to eat some of this if your missing me:) It helped me while I was missing you.I love you.
And miss you much lately...(gulp, blink).
With love,
Farrs
Thursday, September 01, 2011
When the house is quiet, and your feeling a little lonely...what do you do???
Well, you grab your best bud first, because he's always there. You meander to your garden together and pick 30 tomatoes, 5 green bell peppers, a bunch of hot bell peppers, and a GI.NOR.MOUS zuchini from the garden
. Lay it all out on the table and decide what to do with it all. Canning goes through your mind, but when you look over and remember your best bud is with you, you quickly opt out of canning, and make a delicous chocolatey chipy zuchini bread muffin mix:)
Best bud is a huge helper when it comes to cooking anything with sugar and chocolate...so...WHY NOT?!
Through the process, you forget about being lonely....because you remember that you are NEVER alone. You A.L.W.A.Y.S have your best bud around. And seriously, whats better than a best bud decked out in chocolate batter?! NOTHING! Thanks Evan, for being there for me while Mayci was sleeping, while Raegan was gone to school, and while dad was.... well.... working. Im so glad you were by my side. I love you. So much.
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